I’m not a bitter old man. I do love history and reminiscing but I don’t live in the past. I admire the ‘now’ generation for their astonishing skills with technology but I sure miss the laughs. Nobody laughs out loud. Turn on any channel and watch our leaders; what a bunch of sourpusses! One has a pouting lip you could park a bus on!
I know we have to be serious about world affairs, earning an income and raising kids, but our parents fought in wars and killed people yet they found time to hold some pretty wild house parties. Fun in life has disappeared but so has the fun in golf.
One reason is electronic entertainment computers, cell phones and the internet. People walk down the sidewalk engrossed in a ‘bubble’ of self-absorption. They don’t even know I’m there. For all I know they could be a FB friend I’ve never met standing one metre away while sending me a message.
First, let me say computers and the internet came right at the height of my career. Not only did we have to face all the normal work-oriented challenges, we suddenly had this new method of doing the job. I never struggled too much learning how to use the computer; my problem was the keyboard. I constantly typed the wrong thing which caused all kinds of computer problems.
Strangely, in the past 25 years or so, I don’t recall one situation where I messed up so badly on the computer that I broke out into laughter. Also, because of computers and the internet, I spend a lot more time by myself, and while I think I’m funny, it isn’t enough to make me break out.
Years ago, we used to play a game called ‘Cleaners’ late on a Saturday evening, either on the Par 27 course or ‘out #10, up #11, cross over to #16 and play in’. Everyone who wanted to play, played by throwing $.25 per hole ‘in’. Low score per hole won the money for that hole unless you played ‘carry-overs’.
Here’s the best part: we played in a 12-some, 15-some or whatever number of players wanted to play, each player racing to their part to finish before dark. I haven’t seen that game in years. Mostly because the back shop closes at 8:00pm to save money.
There was a well on the course with an old hand pump where everyone drank out of an aluminum cup. Golfers first, then caddies. After all, a golfer sure wouldn’t want to get dysentery (a word from the past) from a caddy. I always wondered why the first golfer in the next foursome failed to get it from the last caddy in the group ahead.
Where a lot of fun has gone is in the pro shop. Today, starting times are booked and paid for via the internet to save money on staffing. Without having to phone the ‘shop’ and talk to one of the pros while they wrote your time onto the starting sheet, you miss out on the latest jokes, club news or banter. But, we are saving money.
Another area where golf has changed is with course conditions and maintenance.
Superintendents are highly educated, highly skilled technicians who must live a nightmare life. They have to perform to outlandish demands from green committees who just played in the Pro-Am preceding the Canadian Open, or come home from the Member-Guest at Oakmont.
Gone are the heavy tined aerators towed behind a tractor in November. Also gone are the days when we were allowed to play the course until the snow was too deep, even though you had 3” of muck stuck to your shoes, the cup and flags long taken in, and someone had put a stick in the hole as a marker. We wore green garbage bags under our windbreaker to stay warm and laughed a lot.
One area for laughter today is with some of the new rule changes. You have to squat to drop your ball. And just like we did as kids 60 years ago, adults can now go to where a ball crossed a boundary and ‘throw one out’. Not only that, but just like we did so long ago, you can putt with the pin in.
I wonder when someone will realize 18 holes of golf was played in 3 ½ hours with a foursome walking. How distasteful. Imagine golf actually contributing to good health.
A shot of scotch and a few laughs might make the game great again.
Michael Schurman is a Life member with the PGA of Canada. In 1988 he became the youngest person to attain the category of Master Professional and served on national and regional PGA boards. He’s a Past President of the PGA of Ontario and recipient of the Club Professional of the Year Award. Michael played on a variety of golf teams and tournaments during his career and held the Head Club Professional at numerous golf clubs. Michael has been involved in golf at every level and just about every capacity for over 50 years.
